1.Three beers are an
escalope.
Beer in Germany is
widely considered as a food and not as an alcoholic beverage. This Bavarian
proverb suggests that the nutritional value of 3 beers equates to having a
proper lunch , drinking a beer or two during your lunch break and then
returning to work is completely natural for you.
2. At least one of
your friends is still at university aged 33.
No, he isn’t teaching
or doing a PhD. It just took him some time to find the right direction in life,
and he switched majors from Archaeology to Philosophy to Business Studies to
Sinology. Finally he found his purpose with the Art History of Uzbekistan in
the 9th Century.
3.Efficiency is your
middle name.
Working abroad in an
international company? Almost certainly you’re the colleague everybody hates.
The bloody German, who finishes all of his tasks in no time and leaves his boss
desperate to find some new work for him. You’ve seriously tried to work more slowly,
to deliver less quality results…but you just can’t help it. German efficiency
is in your genes.
4.You’ve probably
never payed to see a doctor before.
The German healthcare
system is an amazing one; it covers almost everything except breast implants.
5.Insurances give you
a great feeling of protection.
Life insurance, fire
insurance, insurance against natural disasters, own-occupation disability
insurance, additional health insurance, liability insurance, contents
insurance, accident insurance…admit it, you’ve got at least half of them. You
feel so well protected that, to you, it doesn’t even matter that you’ve just
spent half of your salary on things that will likely never happen. Better safe
than sorry.
6.You are basically
bilingual.
You speak your
regional dialect and High German, which, given that there are more than 20
different dialects in Germany, is essential to communicate with your fellow
Germans from other federal states. Otherwise a Bavarian could never have a
conversation with a Friesian without an interpreter. After all, these dialects
actually belong to two different branches of the German language families.
7.Table manners are
really important to your parents.
“Don’t speak with your
mouth full! Sit up straight! Elbows off the table!” Aren’t German parents a
pleasure to have around at dinner time?
8.The expression
“7-ish” makes you cringe.
There is either 7:00
or 7:05 or 7:10. For you, 7-ish is just an excuse for people who can’t manage
their time effectively to be punctual. Mainly, you’re just pissed that you’ll
never manage to be somewhere around 7-ish. You’ll always be there at 6:55. Even
when you’ve sent a text with your sincere apologies that you’ll probably be
late, you’ll still be there at 6:55.
9.You never, ever step
on lawns.
Even if you’re in one
of the few parks where there is no sign prohibiting stepping on the lawn, you
still feel like a criminal just for going near the grass.
10.Quarry ponds were
the summer paradise of your youth.
Basically every German
city has at least one. Today, just the smell of sunscreen makes you nostalgic
for those heady days of endless ice cream and hanging out by the quarry pond
after school.
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